“don’t let yourself down” -be ART

It was about mile 2 when those lyrics, “don’t let yourself down”, played through my ear pieces. I was changed in that moment.

I was tired already. The first 2 miles were up a pretty steep incline. I had only trained to 6 1/2 miles (due to a sore knee) and that was two months before the big race. 13.1 miles total. Doubt flooded my mind. Even more than I had already been feeling.

I had felt that doubt for months. But I felt sick with it when we loaded on the buses at 4 in the morning. The 90 buses that were filled with 5,000 anxious and nervous people. 13.1 long miles up the canyon. With every turn, every hill, I got more quiet and more nauseous. As we huddled around the fire pits they had ready for us while we waited to begin, the air around us was calm, was cold. People (strangers) nestled close to each other to get warm. Quiet conversations were being held while everyone tried to occupy their minds with other things. Bonds with people we had never met were formed quickly. It’s hard not to form a deep connection with those who are about to be apart of such an amazing moment in your life.

We met a girl from the Grand Canyon. We nicknamed her Arizona. Her mom and dad drove up to support their daughter. They were rubbing her arms to keep her warm. They were offering encouraging words and warm smiles to us all. They were sweet.

Another girl named Jessi jumped in and shared that she too had only trained up to 6 miles (if that) and we smiled at each other and joked that we would be running partners. Little did I know how much this Jessi girl would mean so much to me just a few hours later.

My sister-in-law Kattie, along with my mother-in-law Annette and her sister LaVona had each trained religiously up to 10 miles. I knew they would be amazing…inspiring…way faster than me!

I didn’t know if I could do it. I wanted to finish. With every fiber of who I am. I didn’t want to let myself down. I had imagined it in my head a million times. Me crossing that finish line, arms in the air with a smile on my face. A smile of accomplishment and relief. The night before the race as I showered I broke down in tears as I saw in my head the vision that I had played over and over. But this time I could feel it. I could taste it. I wanted it. Bad.

But in the end, I was just so unsure. Yes, I had trained half way, but those 6 1/2 miles in training were painful and I barely got through them. How on earth was I going to pull off another 6 1/2 of those? I didn’t want to let myself down. I didn’t want to let Justin down. I felt sick.

Just seconds before we were to start, we all huddled together in a big group hug. Lots of smiles, lots of nerves and maybe a few tears. The time had finally come and now was each of our time to make this an experience of a lifetime.

We were off.

I immediately fell behind, but I was okay with that. I had to set a realistic pace for myself if I was ever going to get to that finish line.

I felt pretty good right off the bat. But every couple of minutes, I would remember that I have to RUN 13.1 miles. As I passed the first couple aid and drink stations, I just grabbed my drink, without stopping, and kept going. It was kinda fun to be able to just chuck my cup to the side and not worry about littering. I was running a half marathon darn it, I was aloud to do that. (they had amazing volunteers who cleaned up after us) I knew I couldn’t stop FOR ANYTHING! I was too afraid, I wouldn’t be able to keep going if I did.

Mile 2 1/2 hit. (My hubbs had made me a playlist of songs. I gave him some artists I wanted on there and let him decide the rest. I just told him to make sure there were no slow songs. I needed music to push me to the end.)

As I said earlier, I knew I wanted to finish. I knew I had to go somewhere mentally I have never been before. There was that doubt again.

But then. There it was. The words that changed me. The words that made me in that second know I was going to finish this race.

Change everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called

Best you’ve got to be the best
you’ve got to change the world
and use this chance to be heard
your time is now

“Don’t let yourself down. Don’t let yourself go. Your chance has arrived” I repeated those lyrics in my head whenever I felt tired. Whenever that doubt tried to creep back in my mind.

As I passed mile 7, I had the biggest smile on my face. I was so happy to pass what I had trained to and I still felt great. Then miles 8 and 9 came and went.

It was about mile 10 and a half that I started to get tired. No, more than tired. WEAK, FATIGUED, DONE!

But, in this race, I was told that once we hit mile 10 (they tracked our chips stuck to the back of our bib number) that Justin would get a text letting him know that I only had three miles left. And for some reason, that kept me going. That encouraged me. I knew that Justin knew that I was close. I imagined him being so proud of me. I started to get choked up with tears. But, I quickly realized what it feels like for someone with asthma to have an attack. I couldn’t breath. My chest felt like it was closed in and I was wheezing really bad. I knew the tears would just have to wait.

About 10 1/2 miles, I was barley moving. My legs were cramping and my pace was slowing. Drastically. “Don’t let yourself down.” If I could just hold on a few more miles I would be done. But, how could I?

Then Jessi (our new friend from the fire pit) came behind me, locked her arm with mine and said, “We are going to do this.” I broke down. I begged her not to let go. She promised she wouldn’t. She asked me about my kids, my husband. She told me she had a new baby named Jack. For you LOST fans out there, I thought it was pretty funny that her babies name was Jack and mine Sawyer (man we were meant to be)

We got to the last 1/4 of a mile. We could see the FINISH line. We offered each other the last encouraging words we could. Somehow, someway as we ran through the large crowd of people we both sped up. We both had huge smiles on our faces.

We crossed the finish line arm in arm.

I saw my family. With huge smiles on their faces screaming my name. Tears were finally flowing. I hugged my kids and Justin and felt so proud. I DID IT! I didn’t let myself down! Even when I didn’t think I could go one step further…I did.

(The morning was so cold, but warmed up quickly. I didn’t want to toss my nice gloves on the side of the road for them to give away, so I stuck them in my shirt) haha hence the lovely lady lumps

Jessi and I hugged. We saw each other later, but that was it. She was gone. I don’t know if I will ever see or talk to her again, but she means so much to me. So wherever you are… Thank you Jess!

I know this wasn’t the most amazing thing on the planet. People run these races everyday. Heck there were people who PASSED me, that were running the marathon. Now, that’s amazing stuff!

But for me. Someone who talks myself out of anything hard. It was amazing. It was SOMETHING GREAT.

So I just want to encourage you to get out there and DO SOMETHING GREAT! It may not be running a half marathon. It may have nothing to do with sports. Just get out there and push yourself to do something you never thought you could.

I decided that whenever I can- I wanna DO SOMETHING GREAT. So I am starting a series -DO SOMETHING GREAT. Please join in and post about it. Let me know and I would love to link to your blog. Let’s inspire each other to be better that we are.

And just for fun. The rest of my playlist…

Chisses!
♥ be